I think that I am a good reader of others. It is a skill I have…but it can also get in the way😳.
Maybe there are times when you feel distant from others in your life, despite physical closeness? Or you’re listening to someone at the same time as already knowing what’s best?
Most of us know that our judgements cloud our listening for others. We listen through filters based on our own experiences and perceptions, and this keeps us in some way apart from others😞
Thankfully, there are two words which hold the key to unlocking these stuck situations and creating ease: ‘I WONDER…?’
Combine this with an intention to lean in and genuinely get curious, and suddenly your world starts to transform😄.
Curiosity is what helps me to build a bridge in to my daughter’s world.
I did a parenting course last year called Nurturing Attachment. During one session (to demonstrate what attachment doesn’t look like!) we were shown a snippet from a Supernanny episode.
I was quite shocked watching it: seeing the way Supernanny talked to a child and her mother, both in terms of body language and words. She leant in to the girl’s face and told her what was wrong with her. It was all about control. There was no connection.
Supernanny was horrified that an 8 year old child was behaving like a 4 year old. I was horrified that she wasn’t interested in the girl’s experience in that moment!😡
We wondered what it would have been like if the adults in the scenario had brought a sense of wonder to their parenting?
‘I wonder what’s going on in your world right now, dearest one?’
Just to be clear, I am in no way setting myself up as the model parent!! You know what it’s like. You’re trying to get out the door. They’re doing THAT thing again. Our’s has been around footwear in the past and it is VERY inconvenient in that moment: ’I don’t have time for this!’
Right then, the idea of being curious seems nuts: it would take even more time! Or would it??
When reflecting on our footwear flashpoint, I asked myself,
‘I wonder what this would look like if this was easy?’🤔
For me it looked like getting up an hour earlier than my daughter. Also starting the getting-ready-for-school process earlier. This allows time for any meltdowns, for the time to connect and find out what’s really going on.
The more I’ve practiced this, the more I’ve come to notice that it can take less time overall to follow the curious, empathic approach…and we head off to school/work feeling, well happier🤗.
So there you have it, dear friend, a simple approach to help you transform stuck situations in your own life.
Let’s get curious!❤️❤️